Leadership Series: Part 4. Fraternizing

Perhaps "fraternization" isn't really the word I want here, but at least it should get your attention. What I'm referring to is how leadership relates to those they lead.

When I think of fraternization, I think of the military. I picture uniformed leaders with lots of brass on their shoulders (or at least a high rank) relating to the rank and file soldiers. Fraternization doesn't have a good connotation, for it brings to mind a leader relating to a lower soldier in ways that are not permitted. For instance, a leader dating a lower soldier- who has to obey the leader and would have a hard time putting off unwanted advances without placing themselves in a position of being disciplined by the leader if they do not obey. So rules against fraternization would be good for such situations.

This situation aside, there is a misunderstanding of what a leader's relationship should be to a follower. I recall a common discussion some of us had during our training school experience- whether Cadets should go to the altar at public meetings where soldiers could see them struggling. I recall being taught in a classroom that we should not let our people see we are struggling or that we have issues that need to be addressed at the altar. I immediately bristled at this thought!

Should we pretend we're not human? Should we act like once we have become officers we no longer have spiritual issues to deal with? What a sham! What a falsifying of the truth . . . what a lie.

Herein lies the real issue of this discussion- are leaders better than the people they lead? I offer a resounding NO!

We are all the body of Christ and a leader merely has a different role to play than any other part of that body. Not more important, just different. Not more important than an intercessor, just different. Not more important than an administrator, just different (yes, a leader is different than an administrator). Not more important than those who speak in tongues, just different. etc, et al.

A leader is not higher than, rather equal to; on a par with; on the same level. It is Jesus alone who rises above us all. Yet what was his response to this very discussion going on among his followers?

Then they began to argue among themselves about who would be the greatest among them. Jesus told them, “In this world the kings and great men lord it over their people, yet they are called ‘friends of the people.’ But among you it will be different. Those who are the greatest among you should take the lowest rank, and the leader should be like a servant. Who is more important, the one who sits at the table or the one who serves? The one who sits at the table, of course. But not here! For I am among you as one who serves.
- Luke 22:24-27 (NIV)

At another place Jesus says "you are not servants, I call you friends." With that kind of example, how in the world can I, chosen by this very Jesus to be a leader, act any differently than he did? What would be my justification? How could I stand before him and say, "I know you said 'do it this way,' but I think . . ."

This goes back to a previous post where I told you about my desire for people to call me "Doug." I'm not interested in you knowing or using my rank or my position. It's man-made and offers nothing in the spiritual realm we move in.

Perhaps there are those who are insecure in their position, who feel it necessary to make sure their subordinates (really not a good word here!) show them the "proper respect" (whatever that is). I believe you cannot require respect from people. If they do not have it, you cannot manufacture it. It will come only when they see your love for them and desire to work with them, shoulder to shoulder. Not over them or above them.

A leader's task is to gather people together and lead them as a team. Each using their gifts together for the benefit of the team to accomplish what God has for them to do. Where each member takes the "lead" now and then in their area of expertise.

My people are not "my people," they are Jesus' people- I am just the hired hand; the steward of what The Master owns. I have to report back to him with how I treat his loved ones. Woe unto me if I do not treat them after the manner he does!

Just in case you're wondering- I fraternize with the best of 'em!

Please Pray with us for our Friend

Friends, An employee and friend of ours, has been out sick for the last 2 weeks. His doctor's have not been able to figure out what was wrong with him, until a couple of days ago. They discovered a tumor covered by a large cyst in his brain. The plan was to do exploratory surgery tomorrow (Tuesday 5/6) to figure out what their next step should be. However, they just decided to go in tomorrow around 3PM to remove as much as they can. This sounds good, but it means it is more dangerous. Everyone involved is very concerned now and his whole family will be there tomorrow. It is very serious and there could be complications.

Other than a complete healing even before they start, we are praying for a long surgery (approx 5 hrs), because that will mean they can deal with it all at once. If it is a short surgery (approx 2 hrs), then it means they were not able to deal with it all and will have to go in again at a later date.

The good part is that he just got saved a few days ago! He truly had an experience with God and he is talking about the change he has noticed- already! He is concerned that he will be able to keep up this change after he recovers.

Please pray with us and I will keep you posted once we have results. Any biopsy will take a few days to get results, but we should know some immediate things shortly after the surgery (a few hours to a day or so).

God bless you!

This is Who I am

We are known by a variety of "titles." These titles represent things we do. For instance, I am a Dad, spouse, musician, officer, friend, man, blogger, teacher, Rays fan, son, boss, etc.

You may know me by one of these titles, but each is only a facet of what I do, not who I am. If you ask "Who are you?" these titles by themselves actually tell you very little. They may even conjure up inaccuracies based on what you understand a particular title to mean to you.

It depends on who asks me "Who are you?" as to what my answer will be. If my child asks that question, it would be ridiculous for me to respond with "I'm a teacher" or "I'm an officer." For them to relate to me, I need to offer an answer that will mean something to them, like: "I'm a father." If I'm visiting a corps in another country, it would be more important for me to answer "I'm an officer," than to tell them "I'm a boss." Being an officer has relevance, while being a boss means little to develop a relationship connection. So if you are interested in discovering who I am, it would be better for me to tell you something personal about myself.

When I meet you for the first time, I choose to answer this question by offering more than a simple facet of what I do. I choose to offer more. I choose to offer you myself. I choose to offer you my identity; my name. My name is a very personal thing and it means all of my titles rolled into one- and more!

In knowing someone's name, you have a certain power over them. For instance, you can call their name out loud and they will turn around to answer that call. You can look them up in the phone book, get their phone number or address and find them.

In my journey of life and figuring out who I am, God once told me "Your identity is not in your uniform." He told me I am much more than that- I am "Doug" to him. So when I introduce myself, I offer the most I can to you- I tell you "I am Doug."

It means a lot to me spiritually to offer what I have discovered about myself. I choose to offer myself to you- my name. I want you to know I am not higher than you or better than you, I want to be equal with you- "I am Doug."

God chose to give us his name- his personal name, not just a title like God, Lord, Jehovah or Almighty. He gave us Yahweh so we could know him. God wanted to share himself with us. Wow!

Jesus said to his disciples "I don't want to lord it over you, I call you my friends and I want you to think of me as your friend. I want you to know me for who I am, not just what I do."

If Jesus can do this; if God can do this, I can certainly do this. In fact, I would consider myself remiss if I chose to do anything less.

Don't call me a musician, although I am one.
Don't call me an officer, although I am one.
Don't call me a blogger, although I am one . . .

Who am I? I am Doug. Please call me Doug. It's the best I can offer you and I choose to give you power over me because I want you to know me and be my friend.

Bad Guys and Good Friends

This is the scripture God led me to tonight. When you finish reading it (please actually read it- don't just bleep over it or breeze through it like we so often do because it's scripture we know), you'll have some clue as to how my day went.

What you won't know without me telling you, is how encouraging God's Word was to me at a time when I really needed it. AND how encouraging a good friend's listening ear can be when you need to just unload (you know who you are- thanx).

Psalm 37 (The Message)
A David psalm

Don't bother your head with braggarts
or wish you could succeed like the wicked.
2 In no time they'll shrivel like grass clippings
and wilt like cut flowers in the sun.
3 Get insurance with God and do a good deed,
settle down and stick to your last.
4 Keep company with God,
get in on the best.
5 Open up before God, keep nothing back;
he'll do whatever needs to be done:
6 He'll validate your life in the clear light of day
and stamp you with approval at high noon.
7 Quiet down before God,
be prayerful before him.
Don't bother with those who climb the ladder,
who elbow their way to the top.
8 Bridle your anger, trash your wrath,
cool your pipes—it only makes things worse.
9 Before long the crooks will be bankrupt;
God-investors will soon own the store.
10 Before you know it, the wicked will have had it;
you'll stare at his once famous place and—nothing!
11 Down-to-earth people will move in and take over,
relishing a huge bonanza.
12 Bad guys have it in for the good guys,
obsessed with doing them in.
13 But God isn't losing any sleep;
to him they're a joke with no punch line.
14 Bullies brandish their swords,
pull back on their bows with a flourish.
They're out to beat up on the harmless,
or mug that nice man out walking his dog.
15 A banana peel lands them flat on their faces—
slapstick figures in a moral circus.
16 Less is more and more is less.
One righteous will outclass fifty wicked,
17 For the wicked are moral weaklings
but the righteous are God-strong.
18 God keeps track of the decent folk;
what they do won't soon be forgotten.
19 In hard times, they'll hold their heads high;
when the shelves are bare, they'll be full.
20 God-despisers have had it;
God's enemies are finished—
Stripped bare like vineyards at harvest time,
vanished like smoke in thin air.
21 Wicked borrows and never returns;
Righteous gives and gives.
22 Generous gets it all in the end;
Stingy is cut off at the pass.
23 Stalwart walks in step with God;
his path blazed by God, he's happy.
24 If he stumbles, he's not down for long;
God has a grip on his hand.
25 I once was young, now I'm a graybeard—
not once have I seen an abandoned believer,
or his kids out roaming the streets.
26 Every day he's out giving and lending,
his children making him proud.
27 Turn your back on evil,
work for the good and don't quit.
28 God loves this kind of thing,
never turns away from his friends.
Live this way and you've got it made,
but bad eggs will be tossed out.
29 The good get planted on good land
and put down healthy roots.
30 Righteous chews on wisdom like a dog on a bone,
rolls virtue around on his tongue.
31 His heart pumps God's Word like blood through his veins;
his feet are as sure as a cat's.
32 Wicked sets a watch for Righteous,
he's out for the kill.
33 God, alert, is also on watch—
Wicked won't hurt a hair of his head.
34 Wait passionately for God,
don't leave the path.
He'll give you your place in the sun
while you watch the wicked lose it.
35 I saw Wicked bloated like a toad,
croaking pretentious nonsense.
36 The next time I looked there was nothing—
a punctured bladder, vapid and limp.
37 Keep your eye on the healthy soul,
scrutinize the straight life;
There's a future in strenuous wholeness.
38 But the willful will soon be discarded;
insolent souls are on a dead-end street.
39 The spacious, free life is from God,
it's also protected and safe.
40 God-strengthened, we're delivered from evil—
when we run to him, he saves us.

The Teen Connection

Debbie and I have a special place in our hearts for the next generation. God has given us a spiritual connection and we enjoy that interaction. As I sit here at my computer, I am reminded we currently don't really have any particular group of teens (and/or young adults) we can call "our own."

I am really missing that.

Not that there aren't any teens around us- we just don't have much connection with them (and even less opportunity to interact on their level and just have fun with them). There are a few we are beginning to get to know, but those times are few and far between. And it's hard to break down those barriers without a little more constant interaction. Maybe the coming year will include more chances to take advantage of. I hope so.

It's a good thing we still have the Internet! Facebook and email are where they live these days! And we appreciate hearing from them every now and then. Too bad there are systems we have to live with that would keep us from more easily connecting this way.*

So this blog's dedicated to all my young friends out there- most of you know who you are. We're missing you and all those hanging around times. Missing Halo, Survivor night, volleyball, jokes, long talks, comic books, game nights, etc. You're all very special to us and even more so to God. We cherish knowing you and pray for your continued powerful influence in the world around you.

- - - - -
* Maybe there'll be more on this thought in the near future . . .

My First Step

I've gotten some good advise regarding my last post- "But What Can I DO?" I'm not sure yet how I'm going to put it all together, but for now I've decided I need to really start to get the word out about human trafficking. These blogs are a part of that, but I'm also trying to get the word out through Facebook.

Facebook has an application called "Causes." By adding the app, you can post information about that cause on your profile. You can also donate to the cause and invite friends to join your cause or get them to donate too. I've joined a few causes, but so far the one I'm putting most effort behind is "Stop the Traffik."

If you're on Facebook and you're my "friend" look me up, click on my Stop the Traffik link and join. I'll get "credit" for getting you to join and I'll know my first step is working. If you're not my friend, search for my name, add me to your friends and send me a note telling me who you are and that you saw this note on my blog.

Then YOU can start getting your friends to join and help spread the word too. Come on! This is a simple way to get the ball rolling. You can help make a difference. We all can.

Get the word out there!

The Empty Nest

Yesterday we settled our son into his new college dorm room in Ohio. Naturally he wanted his parents out of the picture as soon as possible, so we obliged. As we were walking around the mall, I began to feel . . . well, empty and sad. There, I said it.

When we left Bangor, Chris stayed behind, but because he had friends, a job and trusted family friends around the area, it was no problem for me. I knew he'd be fine as we moved on to Rhode Island. If he had any difficulties or needs, he had people around he could turn to. He did fine on his own for those 3 months.

But this is different. Even though I know he's very excited, he's now going to be 14ish hours away, with the closest family friends 1 hour away. He's living in a college dorm with a bunch of guys from all around the country we don't know at all. The school doesn't even have a meal plan, so he's on his own for food. I imagine him eating Ramen noodles and potato chips for 2 straight years!

So here I am feeling very sad and emotional about leaving him on his own- what an empty feeling! The last time I felt this way was when Jenn was heading back to Vancouver after her first Christmas break at home. Ugh! Who knew these cute, rambunctious little toddlers would grow up to cause such heartache in their parents!

Knowing he won't read my blog, I know I can freely write these things. If he knew- he'd probably rant a bit! But I know deep down, he feels similarly (even if he'd NEVER admit it!). That probably makes it that much worse.

So I'm praying for Chris to find some good Christian friends, a good church family (we're all going to a local church tomorrow) and to do well in his studies. I pray he'll keep busy so he won't feel lonely, he'll eat well (enough to survive!), find a job to supplement his finances, and stay away from spiritual dangers that want to sweep him far away from God (He's already found a friend who invited him to church with him tomorrow!).

Please join Debbie & I in these prayers. And while you're at it, pray for Chris' parents too!

People are NOT Our Projects

Danielle Strickland once told me of an interaction with a "running friend" she had made. After developing a good relationship over time, and getting close to "winning" her new friend to Christ, out of the blue her friend asked her: "am I one of your 'projects?'" Danielle said it was a wake up call when she realized people are not "our projects."

What is it about us Christians that causes us to think we can make people our projects and not really care about them as friends (and/or people)? As if we can just toss them away once we use them (get them saved or whatever) and move on to the next project . . . when you begin to think about it that way, it feels really icky, doesn't it? I hope it feels icky, because if it doesn't, you're gonna need more help than this blog entry can provide!

I'm convinced we see ourselves as "better than" others. Especially those who aren't saved. In some "not-sure-how-we-get-there" thought process, we think it's okay to treat people like they're not people as long as it's in order to get them saved. Kinda like the end justifies the means.

Well, guess what?

Did you guess?

People are the most important priority we have. We will NEVER be justified using people to make us look good (to some imagined power over us), then tossing them aside and moving on to bigger and better things once we accomplish our "mission" on them.

Is that person your project? Take this test to find out:

1) Do you desire to hang out with the person and really get to know them?

2) Have you opened YOUR heart to them, as well as expect them to open up to you?

3) Do you really care about the person as a friend?

4) Do you still want to be their friend even if they don't "get saved?"

5) Do you see the person as more important than yourself (or your "ministry")?

6) Do you really listen to what the person has to say?

If you answered "NO" to any of these questions you might want to examine your intentions in this relationship.

People are our priority (as Jesus exemplified) and we should never climb over them to get even one rung higher on our way up the ladder.

Prayer: O God, please help me to see people as you do; to honor them and hold my relationship with them at the highest possible level. May I be a good witness to them, but may I just plain be a good friend- because I certainly won't be a good witness if I use them and drop them on my way by.

- - - - -

PS: Here are all the wrong answers to the above questions:

1) I just want to use the person so I look like I'm a good Christian to everyone who may be looking. Maybe God'll give me a better situation in life for my next test.

2) I'm not ABOUT to actually open my heart to the person. I don't need anyone, after all!

3) As long as the person THINKS I'm being a friend and it looks good, I'm okay.

4) Are you kidding? If the person doesn't accept Jesus by Tuesday, I'm outta here (If they do, I'm outta here by Wednesday anyway)!

5) Actually, God has made me better than the person (by virtue of my job or giftings), so I have a completely different set of standards to live up to.

6) Huh? What did you say?

Mary and Dave

Mary and Dave MacKay. If you know them, I don't need to tell you about them. You already know. Wonderful people!

We've just spent the last 7 years with them and grew to love them more every day.

We just spent the last 2 days with them and saw yet again how important they are to us.

Mary and Dave drove us to Rhode Island from Bangor. The obvious reason- someone needed to get the van back to Bangor. The hidden reason- we wanted to hang on to them as long as possible. If just for a few more hours.

The 5 hour trip down went quickly due to good conversation with good friends. When we arrived, they immediately began to help us figure things out, move furniture around, clean, etc. We worked late into the evening. Since it was a long trip, they spent the night with us- our first Rhode Island house guests!

They just drove off and left us alone with our movers. We cried as we said our final farewells and watched the van pull off around the circle. Even though we know we're going to soon see each other again at OOB, there is the knowledge that it won't be every day any more. Mary won't be able to house sit any more. We won't be able to sit and chat whenever we want, hang out in our small group . . . the list goes on and on.

Our final ties to Bangor have been severed and that is why we're sad. {sigh}

Thanks Mary and Dave for all your hard work. Thanks for always being there for us and helping out in many small (and BIG) ways. Thanks for your friendship and prayers. Thanks for being so important to us; you were and will continue to be a HUGE blessing to us. We'll miss you BIG TIME, but trust God has even more good things in store for all of us!

We love you!
Doug and Debbie