Keeping it Fresh

I read a conversation article with Eugene Peterson the other day (Discipleship Journal #154) and one of the things he said has been banging around in my head ever since. First the quote, then some of my thoughts (while still in process).

"Gradually I began to understand what the church had been teaching for centuries, namely, that it is in God's nature to seek us out and draw us into participation with what he is doing. I realized that he was a lot more interested in my relationship with him than I was. I relaxed. I began to cultivate quiet, listening and ordinary obedience. The less interested I became in 'keeping my relationship with God alive,' the more I was able to notice and participate in what God was doing to keep me in relationship with him."

Is it possible we sometimes just work too hard on our relationship with God? In a laudable effort to make sure we are faithful in our "devotions," might we push beyond the legalism barrier? Is it possible to be so faithful, we miss the point and lose the personal side of relationship? Can something that's supposed to be natural and comfortable become tense?

A few years ago, God gave me a specific appointment for prayer. I was to meet with him for an hour at 5 AM every day! Yeah- at first it was a bear, but I began to settle into the schedule and because the day really hadn't "started" yet, I often went well beyond the hour. This went on for about 6 months and I was perhaps at an all time spiritual high. I often couldn't wait till 5 AM!

One day while I was praying, God spoke to me very clearly and said: "stop praying." I assumed he meant right then, so I left my prayer room and began my day. The next morning when I went to pray, God was not there. I experienced the proverbial "Brass Heavens." Nothing seemed to get through. It was like I had a brass urn over my head that wouldn't let anything out; every prayer fell flat. All I heard was "stop praying."

My thoughts focused around how I must be misunderstanding. After all, don't we always teach the importance of praying every day? God couldn't be telling me to stop praying. No way!

Then a friend (who at the time often experienced similar spiritual things as I was going through), hesitantly mentioned God had told her to stop praying. At first she must have thought my stare of disbelief was condemning, but after I shared what God had told me, we both decided to actually try it.

After months of regular routine, it was hard! But during the next few weeks, I learned what Paul meant when he said we should "pray without ceasing." Instead of a legalistic routine, I was in touch with God constantly and I was able to relax. I have since learned to live in God's presence and still spend "specific time in prayer and Bible reading."

Lately, I've been struggling with my daily prayer time again. Peterson's words make me realize my relationship with God is not all up to me. It's a living relationship with give and take on both sides. Even when I'm messing up, God's still deeply involved in keeping "us" alive and fresh.

Good thing!