I Know that Voice

At this very moment, I'm in an strange place, spiritually. I am coping with a rather mundane issue that has risen from its rightful place of "not important" to one of dire emergency- at least to my leaders. I still see it as a pesky little gnat that is trying to take the wind out of my sails, so to speak. My heart is beating fast and the blood has drained out of my limbs (the old fight or flight syndrome) as I try to justify myself and figure out why this has escalated into such a crisis.

The issue is not worth repeating, but my experience in dealing with it might be. Perhaps as I think it through, I will come to some kind of understanding and get back to being at peace, which is certainly how I started my day.

I was told to do something. I did it, but I apparently didn't cross the T's nor dot the I's as was expected. I wasn't trying to be difficult, but somehow my efforts were taken that way. So some people have gone way out of their way to make sure I know I need to do what I did, the way they want it done (with a hand-slapping, mean-spirited email and written letter). Every detail that was asked for, was there. I was told it was not. So I look back and forth between the two papers and only see a formatting difference- literally nothing else. I don't get it.

I called and spoke with the author of the letter and got no further. No help, no understanding and I feel worse. I feel stupid, like I'm not smart enough to see my obvious short-coming. I'm beginning to wonder if this is a "you better know your place" kind of thing. "We do this to you because we can and you have to obey; it's as simple as that."

I don't want to believe this, but I honestly cannot see any other possibility right now. Am I too close? Do I need more cooling off time? I don't think so, because this has been playing out for the last month and I just got the most recent response!

How much time have I wasted on this issue? Why do we play these silly games at the great expense of people's valuable time?

- - - - - -

It's now a week later. I've done nothing further, but think and pray about the issue. I still don't understand, but I'm thinking maybe I should just drop it. I don't see any solution in sight and it's certainly not worth any more of my time.

Part of me wants to get all fired up again and stand up for myself. "I was wronged! Look at how you mistreated me!" But I have found these situations rarely come to that conclusion in "the others" eyes, no matter how hard I try to make my point known.

Yet there's something inside of me that seems to be saying: "There's something to be learned in this. Drop it and leave it to me."

I know that voice, so I will obey.